


Surrender

by TooWeirdToLive



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom!Bucky, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, First Time Blow Jobs, Flashbacks, Lost Memory, M/M, Masturbation, Nightmares, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, help remembering, only a little spoilery, surrender, top!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1761061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooWeirdToLive/pseuds/TooWeirdToLive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier stood at the edge of the falling helicarrier, his hair whipping around his face as he watched Captain America fall towards the water. The Asset had no idea who this man was, but he claimed to know him. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. Apparently these names belonged to the man he had once been, and could perhaps become again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted this to be a standalone because I suck at doing updates but it's gotten too big for it's boots and will now be a multi-chapter fic.

The Winter Soldier stood at the edge of the falling helicarrier, his hair whipping around his face as he watched Captain America fall towards the water. The Asset had no idea who this man was, but he claimed to know him. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. Apparently these names belonged to the man he had once been, and could perhaps become again.

It was a split second decision, but The Soldier– no, Bucky - decided that if he wanted to rid himself of The Winter Soldier then he would need this man’s help. He was the only link he had to the past, and he was falling, unconscious, into the Potomac River below. Super soldier he may be, but Bucky doubted he’d be able to breath under water.

He dove in after him, piercing the debris-littered water like a spear with his metal arm outstretched. Kicking his feet, he pushed himself to his limit, lungs screaming for air, until he finally clasped a strap on the Captain’s uniform.

It seemed like an eternity before they breached the surface into the crisp air. Bucky drank it in, easing the aching in his lungs as he towed Captain America towards the river bank. It was difficult, and his injured arm was sending shooting pains through his right side, but he ignored it.

Pain was nothing, just another impulse to be overruled by the mission. With a grunt he dumped Steve on the bank with enough force to expel the water from his lungs. Bucky cradled his injured flesh-and-blood arm against his chest as he watched Steve sputter back to life, wondering whether to leave him there or to finish his mission. It would be so easy to finish it like this, to wind metal fingers around his throat and watch as the life seeped out of him.

_No!_ Bucky shook his head; there was no point in saving him just to kill him now. He stood there silently, waiting for Steve to realise he wasn’t alone, that he hadn’t washed up on the bank by chance. It took a few minutes, but eventually Steve sat up and looked around.

“Bucky?” He coughed, quickly rising to his feet and checking his surroundings. His gaze lingered a little too long on the helicarrier that was crumbling into the water, looking between it and the beach and putting two and two together. “You saved me?” Confusion spread across his features. Not ten minutes ago, Bucky had been pummelling the life out of ‘his mission’ and now he’d rescued him from drowning.

“I want to remember.” He said, finally, “I want to remember who I was before.”

“Ok.” Steve nodded, taking a step towards him, “I can help you. But first we need to get you some attention for that arm.” Bucky looked down at the useless limb. Before, he would’ve just let the scientists fix it when they recalibrated him, now he had no idea how to go about fixing it. He wasn’t built to be self-sufficient; they’d made him need to go back to them.

A noise overhead made him look up, judging by the half dozen helicopters approaching, SHIELD had found them already. Bucky took a step backwards, instinct telling him to run to the trees for cover but he fought against it. Steve was waving his arms and flagging them down, but he stopped when he saw the look on Bucky’s face.

“Come with me.” He pleaded.

“To SHIELD?”

“What’s left of it, yes. They can help you!” The helicopters were closer now and Bucky could hear voices yelling at him through megaphones, telling him to surrender and to get on the ground.

“I’ll surrender.” He said finally, raising his voice so Steve could hear him over the drone of the approaching helicopters. “But only to you.”

 Steve seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding. “Alright. But you need to do as I say. Get on your knees. Hands behind your head.”

Bucky hesitated, looking up at the guns that were trained on him. The urge to fight was clawing its way up his throat like bile.

“On your knees.” Steve repeated. Bucky complied, sinking to his knees and raising his arms as the helicopters touched down, unleashing the agents within. One of them, a woman, approached Steve. She was the only one not pointing a gun at Bucky’s head. This meant she was either incredibly stupid, or incredibly confident in the ability of these men. Bucky decided to withhold judgement, for now. 

“Everything OK here, Rogers?” She asked.

“Agent Hill, The Winter Soldier has surrendered himself to me. I need the best restraints you got.” Steve told her. She regarded the two of them with a cool expression, saying nothing but producing a set of restraints from a pouch on her belt.

“These should be heavy duty enough.” She told Steve, “They were developed to contain you…” She trailed off and Bucky wondered why they’d ever need to contain their golden boy. Steve took the restrains with a nod and moved behind Bucky, arranging his arms so that they were behind his back, Steve clapped the restraints on him and gave them a good tug to make sure that they were secure.

“On your feet, Soldier.”

Bucky rose, testing the restrains that held him. They were tight, but not uncomfortable. One of the agents saw what he was doing and stepped forwards as if to hit him with the butt of his gun. "Hey!" He yelled, but suddenly Steve was between the two of them.

“That’s enough.” The agent looked as though he was going to challenge him for a moment before reconsidering and stepping back into the line of the circle, though he trained his gun on Bucky with a scowl and kept it there.

Steve led him to the nearest helicopter, the circle of agents moved with them, parting only to let them board. Bucky found himself wedged between Steve and another agent, while Hill sat in front of them. In seconds they were in the air, and Bucky looked down at the chaos beneath, overly aware that he had been a major contributor in that mess. No one in the chopper said a word, though some glances were exchanged.

They left the burning Triskelion behind, and Bucky wondered where they were taking him. The Triskelion had been SHIELDs main base of operations, and had been heavily infiltrated by Hydra. If they had another place, it was somewhere that had been recently acquired and the location of which must have been top secret.

Given the range on the helicopters Bucky assumed that they must be close, an assumption which was proven correct not five minutes later when Agent Hill produced a black helmet.  
“Put this on him.” She told Steve. “It’s either this or we sedate you.” She added, talking to Bucky when she saw the face he made at the helmet.

“No drugs.” He shook his head. He’d been pumped with enough of them to last a lifetime. Every time he was frozen or defrosted he was dosed up with god knows what. He wanted to remember who he’d been, and there was no way he was letting himself be drugged into a haze ever again, so he sat still as Steve lowered the helmet onto his head and fastened it.

It was a sensory deprivation helmet, and Bucky was instantly sunk into silent blackness. For a moment he felt panicked, his breath sharp and ragged. He remembered the tank they kept him in, how it would always go dark just before they froze him. He surged forwards, trying to take off the helmet, but his hands were bound. He tried to get to his feet until a large hand on his shoulder grounded him, reminding him of where he was. Steve. He was with Steve. Taking several deep breaths, he sat back against his seat and let himself lean on the warmth that was Captain America. Even when Bucky had pulled him from the water he’d been warm, probably a side effect of the serum. For the first time in as long as he could remember, Bucky felt…calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [MomoftheShire ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoftheShire/pseuds/MomoftheShire) for giving me some pointers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets medical attention and Tony gets a new toy to play with.

Bucky was carefully led from the helicopter, into an elevator and around half a dozen corners until eventually Steve removed the helmet. They were in a small, grey room with no windows. The only furniture was a metal chair, with loops for handcuffs, a table, and a second metal chair behind it. Seeing the metal chair gave Bucky chills, he clenched his teeth and almost gagged on the feeling of the mouth guard that wasn’t there.

Steve was watching him with a concerned expression on his face. Was he finally realising that Bucky wasn’t the same man that he remembered? If he’d been expecting a warm reunion, he was going to be disappointed.

“What happens now?” Bucky asked as Steve removed his restraints.

“You stay here.” Steve replied, “And I go explain to Director Fury what happened.” Bucky nodded and Steve left him in the room. With no desire to sit in either of the metal chairs, Bucky hopped up onto the metal table and crossed his legs. He sat facing the door, awaiting Steve’s return.

Part of him was still unsure of the attachment he felt to this man. Was it just that he had known him before all of this? Or was there something more to it. Steve had told him that they’d been friends, once upon a time.

_“You’re my friend.” He remembered Steve looking up at him as he pinned him against the floor of the helicarrier. Those big blue eyes full of truth and hope._

_“You’re my mission!” Bucky flinched now, remembering the way he’d snarled those words and how he’d beaten Steve bloody. At this point he’d already started to question his mission. Normally he would’ve killed his target, but something had stopped him from putting down Captain America straight away._

_“Then finish it… because I’m with you till the end of the line.” That had hit a nerve; had dislodged a memory so deep that Bucky knew that it had to be real. That was why he’d jumped in after him. He wanted to go back to that. He held on to the feeling until Steve returned and saw it reflected back at him in Steve’s eyes. Hope._

“Fury took some convincing that you aren’t actually a HYDRA spy, but I think I managed to talk him around.” Steve told him, smiling, “So as of now, you are my responsibility.” Bucky noticed that he didn’t say prisoner.

“Ok.” Bucky replied, because he felt as though Steve was waiting for some sort of response from him.

Steve nodded, “Let’s go get your arm see to, shall we?” He turned and walked towards the door, stopping when he realised Bucky wasn’t following him. When he turned back, Bucky held up his wrists questioningly.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to restrain you?” Bucky considered this for a moment, was Steve not going to put the restraints back on? That’s what you did with dangerous prisoners, wasn’t it? And what about all his weapons? If he’d a mind to, Bucky could kill Steve in less than ten seconds using any number of his weapons. Steve followed his gaze and seemed to cotton on. “Come here.” Bucky does as he’s told. He surrendered to Steve; this makes Steve his new handler, for want of a better term. He is programmed to always obey the handler.

“Arms up.” Steve searches Bucky, quickly divesting him of his weapons – even the more discreetly hidden ones, placing each of them on the table. Seeing them laid out there made his metal fingers twitch. Finish the mission. He fought the command.

“Better?” Steve asked, once he was sure Bucky was finally unarmed. Bucky nodded and agreed to follow Steve out of the room. Two armed guards waited in the hallway, following them as they walked down the corridor and away from the room. They were making the hairs on the back of Bucky’s neck prickle, but he tried to ignore it, instead focusing on memorising the route they were taking. Left, right, right. Elevator up three floors. Left, left, right.

The infirmary was full of people. Doctors and Nurses, moving things about in preparation for something. Bucky realised what they were doing as he followed Steve in through the door; they were moving anything that could potentially be used as a weapon to the other side of the room. What they didn’t realised, Bucky thought as he climbed onto the white bed, was that he was the weapon. He didn’t need any these tools in order to kill people.

“Lay back.” One of the doctors approached. Bucky looked up at Steve who gave a small nod. “Where are you hurt?” The doctor asked.

“Both of my arms are in need of recalibration.” He reported. “All other areas functional.” The doctor looked taken aback at the machine-like report he’d been given, but quickly recovered and cleared his throat. “I’m afraid I’m not qualified to recalibrate the metal arm, but let me have a look at your real one.”

“I do believe that’s where I come in.” A voice said from the doorway. Bucky and Steve turned to see who it was.

“Tony, that was fast.” Steve smiled, welcoming the man.

“You kidding me, Cap? I’ve been itching to get my hands on this thing since I first laid eyes on it.” Bucky believed it; the man called Tony had yet to take his eyes off his metal arm. He started to move forwards, but the doctor stopped him.

“Mr Stark, please allow me to perform my own examination first, then you may assess the arm.” He told him. Tony pouted, but stood beside Steve impatiently.

Bucky held his flesh arm out to the doctor with a wince, allowing it to be poked and prodded. The name Stark was familiar to him but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Seeing his face, Steve provided the explanation. “We knew his father, Howard. We went to his expo before the war.”

Bucky nodded, he didn’t remember the expo, or ever meeting anyone named Howard, but what reason did Steve have to lie? When the doctor finished his examination, he carefully laid Bucky’s arm on the bed and turned to talk to Steve as if Bucky weren’t even there.

“Overall he seems fine, but we’d like to keep him here at least overnight for observations. There’s also a possible fracture in his right radius so he’ll need a cast putting on. Then there’s the issue with his memories. You said he has little to no memory of who he was before he became The Winter Soldier?”

“No, I knew him when we were kids, and he looked at me as if I were a stranger.” Steve explained.

Whatever was said next was lost on Bucky, because Tony surged forwards to look at his metal arm while the doctor was distracted.

“So this is a soviet invention?” He asked.

Bucky nodded, “It needs recalibrating.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I’m not sure, but it doesn’t feel right.”

“I’ll need you to come to my lab so I can take a better look at it.” Tony explained, “Unless it detaches?”

Bucky nodded again. The scientists used to remove it when they ran tests or fixed things, it became standard procedure after they accidentally triggered something in Bucky and he crushed one of their windpipes.

“Can I touch it?” Tony asked, though his fingertips were millimetres from the metal anyways.

“Yes.”

“Tony, be careful.” Steve admonished, realising what was going on over the doctor’s shoulder.

“Yes mom.” Tony smirked, and within seconds he had found the catch that released the arm. Bucky felt naked without it on, and uncomfortably lopsided.

“This thing weighs a ton!” Tony exclaimed, holding up the arm to view it from all angles. “How do you even move while you’re wearing this?”

“Didn’t have much choice.” Bucky replied. He must’ve had to practice using the arm, but his memory had been wiped so many times in that damned chair that he didn’t remember ever receiving it, it had just always been a part of him.

“I’m going to take this back to my lab to run some tests. He’s all yours doc.” Tony beamed like a child on Christmas and made a quick retreat leaving Bucky truly unarmed.

Everyone seemed to calm down once the arm had been removed, and he was taken for an x-ray of his right forearm. As the doctor had suspected, there was a fracture in his radius. Probably from the metal beam that’d fallen on him in the helicarrier. As soon as the arm had been put in a cast, Bucky was given strict instructions on letting it heal, and was bundled back into the white hospital bed.

He sat back against the large pillows feeling a little drowsy. It was the most comfortable bed he’d been in in at least seventy years. And who even knew the last time he’d had a proper sleep. Cryo didn’t count, that was more like blinking. Bucky was tired when he went in, and he was tired when he came out again.

In his half-asleep state, Bucky hadn’t noticed the doctor approaching with needles. Movement next to him startled him and he sat up, trying to move away. Steve was at his side in an instant, hand on his shoulder.

“It’s ok Buck, they just need to run some tests. Put some lines in.” Steve explained.

“No drugs?”

“No drugs.”

Bucky nodded his assent, relaxing into the bed once more. The needles stung as they pierced his skin, but he didn’t flinch, watching as the doctor took some blood samples and hooked him up to a drip.

“What’s that for?” He asked.

“Hydration.” The doctor replied, “When’s the last time you had anything to eat or drink?”

“I don’t remember.” And he couldn’t remember.  They had to have fed him something, right?

“Ok, we’ll get you some food, too.” Bucky nodded, turning his attention back to Steve as the doctor walked away.

“So you gonna babysit me all night?” He asked.

“That’s the current plan.” Steve replied, “You’re my responsibility, remember? And besides, you might need some help with your dinner.” Steve gestured to Bucky’s lack of functional arms. He looked down at himself and frowned.

“I suppose I am a bit useless at the moment.” He agreed. “Tell me about how we met.”

Steve’s eyes widened at the sudden subject change. “Are you sure? You don’t think it’s going to be a little much for today?”

Bucky shook his head. “I told you, I want to remember.” He stifled a yawn and rubbed at his eyes carefully with his cast.

“I think you should focus on getting some rest for now.” Steve smiled, “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but yawned again instead. “Fine.” He huffed, wriggling down in the bed so he could lie down. With one missing arm, and one broken one, he had no choice but to lie on his back. He was asleep within seconds. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is allowed to leave the infirmary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any british-isms that sneak in while I write this.

When Bucky woke next, he panicked, squinting against the bright white of the room. He tried to sit up, finding his arm missing, and the other one in a hard cast. Had Hydra gotten him back? He struggled into a seating position and looked around the room, only calming when he saw Steve in the chair beside his bed.

“How’re you feeling, Buck?” He asked, sitting forwards.

“Good.” Bucky replied after a moment, relieved to find that he was still at SHIELD.

“You slept for eighteen hours, we were starting to get worried about you.” Steve continued. Bucky looked around, there was not a soul insight except for the two of them, so when he said “we” did he really just mean himself? “I’ll go see about getting you some food, you must be starving.” Steve rose from the chair without waiting for an answer. Bucky was hungry, he supposed. The empty feeling in his stomach wasn’t important enough to warrant attention. Apart from the basics of pissing and shitting, Bucky had been trained to ignore all needs that weren’t involved with carrying out his mission.

Steve soon returned with a sandwich and some fruit, which he placed in front of Bucky. “Eat.” He smiled. Bucky did as he was told and bit into the sandwich. It had a strange texture and it felt wrong in his mouth, but he chewed obediently and swallowed with some difficulty. When he was halfway through the sandwich he felt his stomach lurch and quickly rolled to the side trying to get out of bed.

“Bucky! What’s wrong?” Steve was on his feet and by the bed, but Bucky had rolled to the opposite side, where his arm was missing. The action pulled his IV from his other arm, and he fell to his knees on the floor, emptying his stomach of the half-eaten sandwich into the small bin there.

A hand on his back made him jump, he didn’t like being vulnerable like this, cornered like an animal. He was the hunter, not the prey. “Back off!” He snarled, wrenching away from Steve’s hand. Steve moved away from him slightly, but didn’t completely back away.

“Come on, Buck. Let me help you get back into bed.”

“No, get away from me!” Bucky retched again, this time there was only bile, it left his throat feeling as raw and exposed as the rest of him. Steve seemed to get the hint that time, backing away and giving him some space, though Bucky did notice that he kept himself between Bucky and the door.

“What’s going on in here?” The doctor asked, coming into the room.

“I got Bucky some food, but he couldn’t keep it down.” Steve explained.

The doctor nodded. “I was afraid of this. Your body isn’t used to solid food; we may have to start him off on a liquid diet and build up to solids.”

“Whatever you say, Doc.” Steve said. “Does he need to stay in the infirmary or can you let him out now?” Bucky perked up at the prospect of being let out. He didn’t want to be bed bound any longer.

“Well, the test results have all come back fine. It seems that Mr Barnes here was exposed to a similar strain of the serum that you were. You’ll need to keep a close eye on him, Rogers.” The doctor wagged a finger at him. “You’ll need to bring him back in a few days so we can review him. I’ll get you some protein shakes for him. And he’s not to use that arm for anything strenuous until I give the all clear. Is that clear?” Steve looked at Bucky, who nodded emphatically.

“Yes sir.” Steve smiled. 

Bucky rose to his feet feeling a little shaky, but controlling it enough that the doctor was satisfied he could leave. He didn’t want to have to spend one moment longer than he had to in the infirmary. “Where will we go now?” He asked.

“Well first we better go get you some actual clothes.” Steve gestured at the hospital grade night gown Bucky was wearing. “And then we’ll go see what damage Stark’s done to your arm. Hey – I was kidding!” Bucky realised he must have looked horrified at the thought of Stark mangling his arm. He needed that back in one piece. Realising Steve hadn’t meant it; he nodded and followed him, glad to leave the smell of disinfectant and the horrendous white walls behind.

As they entered the elevator, the armed guard was resumed, though this time there was only one man. Clearly they had decided to relax it a little now that Bucky had been declared broken by the doctor. His lack of metal arm was probably a great source of relief for most of the guards. Bucky, however, missed it. He felt too light, as if he’d float away, and the empty sleeve of the night gown hung limp over his shoulder. It kinda creeped him out, too. He hated looking at the empty socket with all those metallic parts in there. Though he didn’t remember what Hydra had done to him, seeing the exposed socket made his imagination run wild enough that he didn’t need to remember.

Bucky padded along behind Steve, bare feet slapping on the floor. He vaguely wondered what had happened to his clothing. When he’d gotten on to the bed in the infirmary he’d been fully dressed. They must’ve disrobed him when he was sleeping. He looked at Steve, wondering whether he’d watched them undress him. It was a strange thought, but for some reason he felt as though Steve had seen him naked before. Bucky shook the thought from his head and almost walked into the blonde, who’d stopped outside a door barely two feet from the elevator.

“Welcome to my place.” Steve smiled, motioning for the guard to remain outside the door. So Steve lived in this SHIELD HQ, that was a bit weird. He would’ve expected him to live off site, not to be kept here like… like an asset. The thought made him cold, he didn’t want to be kept here, only allowed out when there was a mission… but he’d surrendered to Steve. He had to do as Steve said if he wanted to find out more about his past self.

As soon as he saw the inside of Steve’s ‘place’, Bucky realised that Steve wasn’t being kept in the same sense that he’d been at all. It was a large apartment that must’ve taken up at least an entire floor in the building. Bucky closed his mouth, realising he’d been gaping.

“Nice place.”

Steve gave him a quick tour. A kitchen, which looked largely unused, a nicely decorated living room, Steve’s bedroom with ensuite, a spare bedroom, a second bathroom and another room which looked like some sort of study-slash-workout room. There were sketch pads everywhere, and a punch bag hung over a mat in the far corner.

Steve led him to the second bedroom and pushed open the door. “This one’s yours. There’s some clothes on the bed, I hope I remembered your size right.” Bucky stepped inside hesitantly, expecting it to be more like a cell than a bedroom, but was pleasantly surprised to find that there were no metal bars or scary looking chairs in sight.

“All this is for me?” Bucky couldn’t believe it. Back at Hydra he’d had the cryo tank, and they had a holding cell to keep him while he was awake but never anything as extravagant as this.

“It sure is.” Steve beamed from the doorway. “Now why don’t you get yourself dressed and I’ll go fix you a protein shake.” Bucky nodded, listening to Steve’s retreating footsteps. There was a pile of clothing on the bed, he moved towards it and picked up a shirt before realising a problem.

“Steve?” He called.  
“Bucky? What is it?” Steve appeared in the doorway again, eyes wide in worry. Bucky held up a pair of jeans.

“I might need some help.”

“Oh… Bucky I’m so sorry, I should have realised.” Steve apologised, a pink blush creeping over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “Of course I’ll help you.” He moved forwards and Bucky raised his arm to all him to pull the gown up and over his head.

“Geez, Buck, when was the last time you showered?” Steve laughed as he lifted off the hospital gown, leaving Bucky naked and exposed.

“I have no idea.” Bucky replied, sniffing at himself unabashedly, while Steve smirked at him.

“Right, new plan.” Steve grasped his upper arm and pulled him along behind him. “Shower first.” He pulled Bucky into the bathroom and sat him on the closed toilet while he set up the shower. The lid was cold on his naked butt, though not unpleasantly so. Racking his mind, he tried to remember anything from his past. It was no use; apparently his memory would not be forced.

“Is it ok to get this thing wet?” Bucky asked Steve, holding up his broken arm.

“I actually have no idea.” Steve replied, scratching his head. “But I doubt it. Stay here.” Bucky watched Steve run out of the room and heard rustling from the direction of the kitchen. Steve reappeared moments later with a roll of what looked like saran wrap.

“You can’t be serious.” Bucky scowled.

“Arm up.” Steve replied, pulling the edge of the saran wrap away from the roll and holding it out. Bucky complied, reluctantly offering up his cast. Steve wrapped it dutifully, before turning to Bucky’s still empty socket. “Is that thing waterproof?”

Bucky nodded. “I pulled you out of the water, remember? I think I would’ve noticed if it wasn’t.”

“Ok fair point. Now in the shower with you.” Steve stepped back to allow him access to it.

Bucky stood, looking from his wrapped up cast and hand to the shower. “I may require further assistance.” Steve looked at him for a moment before he got his meaning. 

Bucky stepped over the edge of the bath tub, sighing as the hot water cascaded over him. It felt amazing, hot enough to turn his skin red but not too hot to be uncomfortable. During his missions there had never been time for this. A quick wash in frigid water had been sufficient for his needs. His armour had mostly covered him anyway, leaving nothing exposed except the metal of his arm. A scare tactic to make sure his enemies knew who he was.

A noise behind him made him jump, and it shocked Bucky to realise just how much he’d let his guard drop in the past few days. It was as if he was completely at ease around Steve, like he’d trust him with his life. He turned to see Steve picking up the soap, noticing that he’d removed his shirt to avoid getting soaked.

“Come here then.” He rubbed the soap on a bath sponge until it lathered. As soon as Bucky was close enough, he ran the sponge over him leaving bubbly streaks. Bucky turned to make it easier for him to reach certain places. The sensation of the sponge over skin was nice and he allowed himself to relax into it. Steve hesitated slightly when it came to washing Bucky’s genitals, blushing again. He gave him a perfunctory clean and told Bucky to rinse himself off.

Steve’s blush triggered something in his mind. He’d seen it before, many times, but on a smaller man. Could it be that they were one and the same?

“You’re so much bigger now.” He mumbled into the water as he watched the suds race down his body and into the drain.

“What did you say?” Steve gasped.

“I think I remembered something.” Bucky fought hard to retain the memory, turning in the shower to face Steve. “You used to be tiny… back before?”

Judging by the look on Steve’s face, he’d remembered correctly. “That’s right, back then I was a ninety-five pound asthmatic.”

“What happened to you?”

“I joined the army.” Steve grinned. “Do you remember anything else?” Bucky frowned and shook his head, turning away from Steve. “Hey, don’t worry, these things take time.” Steve cooed at him, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll wash your hair.”

Holding his wrapped cast over the side of the bath, Bucky sank into the sensation of Steve massaging the shampoo into his scalp, relaxing so far that he groaned audibly. Steve’s fingers stilled for a fraction of a second, before resuming their pace. Bucky felt a stirring in his groin; warmth that had nothing to do with the water from the shower. He stared at his growing erection with frustration, with both hands out of operation there was nothing he could do about it, other than try to will it away before Steve saw. If only he’d cease with the head massage, that wasn’t helping in the slightest.

“That should do.” Steve pulled his hands away from his scalp as if reading Bucky’s mind. He rinsed his hands off in the shower run off. “You can rinse it off now. Do you need help standing?”

“I’m fine.” Bucky lied, struggling to his feet and trying to conceal his erection. He failed, feeling Steve’s hands on his hips as he stumbled in the bath.

“Easy there, Buck.” Steve helped him to his feet; Bucky saw the lust in those blue eyes when Steve clapped eyes on it.

“I said I’m fine.” Bucky pulled away and stuck his head in the shower to wash out the shampoo. Also, if he was being truthful, to drown out whatever Steve was about to say to him in response. When he finally turned away from the shower, Steve was holding a towel out to him and averting his eyes. The lust from before was gone, and Bucky wasn’t even sure that’s what he had seen. Maybe it had been disgust. Carefully stepping out of the bath, he leant into the towel; into Steve, and allowed himself to be dried.

Steve proceeded to turn the shower off and help Bucky get dressed in silence; jeans and a vest seemed alien on him after so long wearing just his armour. Bucky moved his limbs as requested, avoiding making eye contact with Steve.

“Let’s go check on that arm.” Steve said when Bucky was decent enough to leave the apartment. Bucky nodded and followed him out of the room, wondering what state his arm would be in. Whenever the Hydra scientists took his arm away it came back with a new weapon or an altered setting that’d he’d be forced to get used to in time for his next mission.

A couple floors below theirs was Tony’s workshop. This took up a whole floor too, but when they exited the lift he couldn’t see anywhere that resembled a living space. Did this guy even sleep?

“JARVIS, where’s Tony?” Steve asked aloud to the room. Bucky looked at him, wondering who he was talking to when a voice replied, making him jump. He cursed himself silently and looked around for the source of the voice.

“Mr Stark is in the next room, Captain Rogers, he’s been expecting you.”

Bucky followed Steve, who looked entirely unfazed by the fact that he’d just held a conversation with thin air. Looking around Stark’s workshop, he saw bits of machinery everywhere, mixed in with tools and what looked like a weapon here or there.  They found Tony in the next room, bent over Bucky’s arm as he tinkered with it, loud music playing in the background.

When he looked up at the two of them, Bucky figured that the ethereal voice must be linked to an earpiece or something, because there was no way he could’ve heard them come in.

“Just in time!” He beamed, pushing up a pair of welding goggles so that they rested on his forehead. “I’ve just finished the modifications to your arm. Don’t thank me yet, Barnes, you’re going to love it.” Tony cleared a space from the workbench beside him and patted it. Bucky scowled at him, how was he meant to hop up on the side without his arm? When he refused to move, Tony realised the problem.

“Or you can stand there! Standing there is fine.” He scooped up the arm and bought it over to the pair of them. Steve moved away from him slightly to give Tony more room and ended up holding the arm.

“Can’t you just use one of your robots?” He complained, holding Bucky’s arm away from his body, as if he was afraid it was going to explode.

“Don’t mind him.” Tony said to Bucky, “He’s afraid of technology. Just hold it right there, Cap, I need to line up the couplings to get it back into the socket.” Bucky stood patiently, watching the two of them. Steve’s face was still with concentration, while Tony’s brows were pulled together in a fierce expression. It was the same sort of look he’d seen on the Hydra scientist’s faces every time they’d upgraded his arm. The thought made him shiver, and his stomach roil. It was too much, he had to look away. As he turned his head, there was a click and he could feel Steve’s hands on his prosthetic. Whatever Stark had done to it, the pressure sensitivity was had increased tenfold. It felt almost like a real arm.

Tony and Steve finally released his arm and Tony took a step back.

“How’s she feel?”

“She?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Please don’t tell me you named it.”

“Of course I didn’t!” Tony laughed, winking at Bucky. He ignored the two of them, focusing his attention on his arm. It felt so much lighter than it had done before, and when he wiggled his fingers it was instantaneous; the fraction-of-a-second delay eliminated by whatever Stark had done.

“It feels good.” Bucky reached out to touch Tony’s shoulder, wondering if the man would flinch out of the way. To his credit, Stark stayed where he was, though Bucky noticed that he visibly relaxed when all he did was place his metal hand on Tony’s shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. Before, he had sort of been able to feel pressure, but now he could feel everything, even the heat emanating from Tony’s skin.

“Thank you.” He smiled, flinching when a droplet of water fell from his wet hair onto his shoulder. He watched it roll down his arm in fascination, only partially listening while Tony explained the modifications that he’d made to Bucky’s arm. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to any of you who wanted shameless shower smut! It's too soon! There will be smut galore, later, I promise!


	4. Chapter 4

They’d spent another couple of hours in Stark’s workshop after the sun went down letting Bucky test out his new arm on things before Steve had heard Bucky’s stomach rumbling and had ushered him back to ‘their’ apartment. This was how Bucky had ended up sitting on Steve’s sofa holding a large glass of brown. There was no better way to describe it. Brown and gloopy, the protein shakes given to them by the doctor were as far from appetising as it got. And Bucky didn’t even remember food, except his run in with the sandwiches that morning, but that didn’t count.

He looked over at what Steve was eating enviously; a large sandwich full of pastrami, lettuce and tomatoes. He knew it’d probably make him throw up if he so much as sniffed it, but it looked so much better than his glass of gloop.

“Come on Bucky, you need to drink up.” Steve tried to coax him into knocking it back. “I know it doesn’t look great, but it’s what your body needs right now.” A few more failed attempts at negotiating later, and Steve resorted to blackmail. “If you finish your protein drink, I’ll tell you about how we met.”

Bucky cursed, he really did want to know. Calling Steve a punk under his breath, he raised the glass to his lips and chugged the drink until it was gone. He raised the glass at Steve, triumphantly and set it down on the floor beside him. The weight of the shake felt heavy in his stomach, and for a moment he was worried that it was going to come right back up again. His stomach gurgled, but everything stayed where it was.

Getting more comfortable, Bucky sat and listened as Steve launched into the story of how they met, describing everything from the orphanage, to the other kids that lived there until he got to the point where the two of them had met. Steve, a sickly boy that weighed no more than candy floss, had tried to stand up to the resident bully and was, quite unsurprisingly, getting the snot kicked out of him when Bucky had showed up. It was his first day at the orphanage, and he pulled the bully off Steve without a moment’s hesitation, or any consideration to what it would do to   his chances at being one of ‘the cool kids’.

Bucky fixed Steve with a glare that he hoped read ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ and waited for him to continue.

“And we we’ve been friends ever since.” Steve smiled, taking another bite of his sandwich. “You pulled me out of plenty more scrapes than just that one. Used to tell me I was a trouble magnet.”

Bucky nodded, laughing. “I think I remember pulling some guy off you in an alley... behind a theatre?”

Steve beamed, eyes bright. “Yeah! You were dressed all fancy in your uniform yammering about a pair of dames you found for us.”

“The night we went to the expo? The one where we met Tony’s dad?”

“That’s right.”

“You never did get on well with women.” Bucky told him, remembering how Steve had left the crowd at the expo, though he couldn’t remember why.

“I was just waiting for the right partner.” Steve gave him a sad smile. There was something more to it than Bucky understood, he knew it, but he had a feeling that asking Steve what it was would just upset him further.  There was an amiable silence while Steve finished off the last of his sandwich and returned the plate to the kitchen. Bucky watched him in fascination; everything about him seemed so familiar, yet brand new at the same time.

The gap on the couch suddenly seemed so wide between the two of them that Bucky couldn’t stand it. He shuffled closer to Steve, close enough that their shoulders were pressed together and with Stark’s tech fuelling his new arm, he could feel the heat emanating from him.

“I stopped being me such a long time ago; I can’t even remember who that was.” He mumbled to himself, unable to keep the thought in.

“Hey,” Steve turned to look at him, one of his warm arms winding around Bucky, his hand resting on the skin of Bucky’s shoulder. “You’ll get your memories back, Buck, it’s just not going to happen overnight. Besides, I remember who you were – who you are. I’ll help you.”

“Till the end of the line.” The words came out of his mouth barely more than a whisper, not that it mattered because the loud yawn that escaped Steve’s mouth would have eclipsed it anyway. Bucky turned to look at him; he looked exhausted, even super soldiers needed sleep.

“Maybe we should call it a night?” He suggested, moving away from Steve slightly.

“You feeling tired, Buck?” Steve asked, instantly looking concerned, his eyes travelling the length of Bucky’s body in a wide sweep to make sure he was ok. When he was happy that Bucky was fine, he glanced around for the clock. It was after midnight.

Getting the feeling that Steve would refuse to go to bed unless Bucky agreed he was tired, he lied, nodding his head and pretending to rub one eye sleepily.

“Ok, let’s get you to bed.” Steve slid off the couch and offered him a hand to help him stand. Bucky waved it away and stood up on his own. “You want a glass of water?” Steve asked. Bucky shook his head, and followed Steve to the door he’d been shown earlier in the day, before the shower. He cringed at the memory of his body’s reaction.

“Night.”

“Good night, Buck.” Steve lingered for a moment, his lips parting as if he was about to say something. Instead he clapped Bucky on the shoulder and retreated to his own bedroom. There was something here that Bucky wasn’t getting, he was sure of it. He waited in the doorway until he heard Steve’s door shut before entering his own room and shutting the door behind him.

Stripping down to his underwear, he climbed onto the bed and sat cross-legged in the middle. It was much bigger than the hospital bed, big enough that he could sleep with all of his limbs spread out and still be comfortable. Bucky rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands, going over the day’s events in his mind. It was how he’d been programmed to keep track of his missions; to use his objectives as a mantra. It kept him on track even when the programming was wearing off. Now he had to come up with a new mantra.

_I was the Winter Soldier._   
_My name is James Buchanan Barnes._   
_It is also Bucky._   
_Steve is not my mission; Steve is my friend._

He repeated this to himself over and over until he felt calm enough to try and sleep. As he pulled back the cover, he realised that he needed to urinate. On tiptoes, he left his room and made his way across the apartment to the bathroom, being careful not to wake Steve. To get to the bathroom, he had to go past Steve’s door and a noise coming from inside made him stop in his tracks. Steve was breathing heavily, his pants interspersed with moans and the whisper of skin beneath sheets. Bucky’s eyes widened in realisation, torn between what to do next; should he retreat to his room or continue on to the bathroom? His bladder wasn’t quite full to bursting, so he could probably hold it until morning if needed. On the other hand, the bathroom wasn’t far, Steve wouldn’t consider the fact that he’d been listening in, right? He thought Bucky was asleep in his room.

A third option sprang to mind, making his cock twitch; he could go in there and join Steve... No. He shook his head, though he was starting to believe that he and Steve had been more than friends once upon a time, there was no way he could let himself go in there without proof. Without the assurance that what he thought he was feeling would be reciprocated.

While he’d been hesitating outside Steve’s door, his friend’s breath had become shorter, the moans turned into grunts and the sound of movement became louder until Steve climaxed groaning Bucky’s name.

That was enough to make Bucky move and he fled to the bathroom. It was too much information to process all at once, especially when he was trying to figure out his own mind. Steve had been jerking off and thinking about him. Steve wasn’t his mission; Steve was his friend. But had he been more? Bucky tried to think back to his past while he relieved himself, making sure his urine hit the bowl instead of the water. He couldn’t remember having ever been affectionate with Steve, and trying to force it was giving him a headache.

Retreating back to his room, Bucky slipped into his bed and sank into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd planned where I wanted the end of this chapter to go, but I struggled with the beginning. I hope it's ok!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a nightmare, Steve helps him feel better.

The Winter Soldier pulled back his fist, holding it for a second before he loosed it, pummeling the face of the man beneath him bloody, and one eye almost swollen shut.

“YOU’RE MY MISSION!” He screamed at the blonde – Captain America, his target. He raised his hand to punch him again, but the bloody face changed before his eyes. The muscular jaw and chiseled cheekbones melted away to reveal a weak-chinned, hollow-cheeked face. It was the same man, just deflated somehow.

“Bucky,” He coughed, his breath rattling in his lungs, “It’s me Steve.” Bucky screamed in protest and backed away from him. This was a trick; a ploy to beg for mercy. Well it wouldn't work. He watched as Steve tried to push himself upright on matchstick-thin arms that shook even under his weight, little as it was. He reached out towards Bucky, those blue eyes so full of sadness that it hurt to look at them. Bucky looked away, and in that moment the helicarrier lurched and Steve’s small frame was suddenly airborne.

He found himself at the edge of the helicarrier, watching the now smaller man plummet towards the water. After a moment’s indecision, he dove in after him, bracing himself against the rapidly approaching water. When he opened his eyes to look for Steve, he found himself surrounded by fire, his two flesh hands clenching the railing in front of him.

Steve, big again, was opposite him on a walkway with a broken railing. He was yelling at Bucky to get out, but he couldn't move. Would not move. Not without Steve. With a tight throat, he watched as Steve backed up as far as he could go, ran to the edge and leapt out over the roaring flames.

Bucky held out his hands to catch him and help him over the railing, somehow believing he’d make the impossible jump, but everything shifted in the blink of an eye and he found himself hanging from a railing instead. Everything was happening to fast to process; how had he gotten there? He couldn't focus. Steve’s face loomed above him, a blue-clad hand stretched out so far that their fingertips almost touched…

Bucky fell. He screamed and thrashed as Steve got further and further from him. Just when he thought it was never going to end, he felt hands on him and he lashed out, struggling against them.

“Shhhh.” A voice whispered in his ear. “Bucky it’s me, it’s Steve. You’re having a nightmare.”

“Steve?” He murmured, opening one eye cautiously. The dark figure looming over him made him flinch and he backed across the bed instinctively, his hand reaching under the pillow for a weapon that wasn’t there. Steve sank onto the bed beside him.

“Are you ok?” Steve asked.

“’m fine.” Bucky lied. Even in the dark he thought he could still see the remnants of the beating he’d given him etched on Steve’s angelic face.

“Do you need to talk about it?”

“No.”

There was a lingering silence between the two of them before he felt Steve start to shift away from him.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep then.” He started to swing his legs off the side of the bed, but Bucky reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Stay.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“What?” Steve stopped pulling away.

“Will you stay?” He asked, louder this time. “In case I have another nightmare?”

“Of course I will, Buck.” Steve got up from the bed, and Bucky panicked for a moment, thinking he’d been lied to, but Steve merely pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed. He lifted an arm up and Bucky scooted closer to him, allowing himself to be cradled against Steve’s bare chest, with the other man’s head resting on his own. The sound of his steady heartbeat helped to calm him, and as Steve’s warmth spread through him, he remembered.

“We used to do this when it was cold.” He announced; more of a statement than a question. “So you wouldn't get sick.”

“That’s right.” Steve smiled against Bucky’s forehead, “Not that it always worked.”

“But it kept you alive.” Bucky replied, remembering the rattle of skinny Steve’s breath in that hollow chest of his. He let out a big sigh, relaxing into the embrace. “I think I missed this. Even though I couldn't remember it, I always felt like there was something missing.”

“Me too, Buck, me too.”

Perhaps it was the feeling of Steve’s skin against his, or the need to forget about the nightmare, but Bucky was starting to feel bolder.

“Were we ever more than just friends?” He asked Steve, whose heart practically skipped a beat.  

“No.” Steve sounded sad. “We were just friends; best friends.” 

“But you wanted to be more?”

When Steve remained silent, Bucky wondered if he’d misread him. Had he only imagined him moaning Bucky’s name in his room earlier?

“I guess not then.” Bucky frowned, placing a hand on Steve’s chest and pushing himself away. “Sorry to have woken you, you can go back to bed now, I’ll be fine.”

“Bucky,” Steve sat up in the bed and cupped his cheek with a warm hand, “That’s all I ever wanted. Just you.” He breathed.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to put any pressure on you after what you’ve been through…”

“No, I meant before, y’know…” Bucky interrupted.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested.” Steve shrugged, “You were always such a hit with the dames.”

Bucky thought about this for a minute, scouring the memories he’d managed to recover so far. “I don’t remember any of them.” He told Steve, “I remember you.”

“You do?”

Bucky nodded against Steve’s hand. It was complicated. He remembered some, but not all. And a lot of what he had remembered so far was traumatic, even now that he was out of the nightmare. There was one thing he’d realised through it so far, however, Steve. He needed him. Needed him so  bad it hurt.

Bucky surged forwards, claiming Steve’s mouth with his own. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t remember their past. They could make new memories; ones that didn’t involve fire or drowning or losing each other.

It took Steve a moment to catch up, and for a second Bucky thought he’d made the biggest mistake of his life, but then Steve’s lips softened against his own, his arms encompassing him, pulling him close to his chest.

Clearly over his initial shock, Steve took the lead and deepened the kiss, his tongue probing at Bucky’s lips, demanding entrance. Bucky allowed it, gladly, letting the taste of Steve wash over him. One of Steve’s hands travelled up Bucky’s back and into his hair, pulling gently while Steve’s other hand raked down his spine. Bucky moaned into Steve’s mouth and they broke apart, panting.

As they shifted, Steve’s erection nudged his own. It sent a jolt of heat through him, like nothing he’d experienced before, and he was at a loss as to how to continue. His body had not been his own in so long that he drew a blank. Obviously he’d known what Steve was doing earlier, but it wasn’t something he’d done himself in as long as he could remember. The Asset didn’t need pleasure. He was a tool, to be used as Hydra saw fit. He hadn't even been allowed to do so much as speak for most of the time they'd had him. 

A kiss on his forehead made him blink.   
“You still with me Buck?” Steve whispered.   
“Sorry, yes.” Bucky replied.   
“Are we good?” Steve sounded concerned, “We can stop if you’re not ready for this… I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

Bucky frowned. He didn't want Steve to be concerned about him all the time, especially not now. In response, he slipped his hand into Steve’s boxers and gripped his cock, which had softened slightly in concern for Bucky. It responded to his touch though, hardening before Bucky had completed one stroke of its length.

“Ungh, Bucky.” Steve groaned, the way he said it making Bucky’s cock twitch. Steve needed to do something about that, and soon. As if reading his mind, Steve’s hand worked its way inside Bucky’s boxers and circled his shaft. He started to move his hand and Bucky’s world went white. After a life of so much pain, the pleasure was almost overwhelming. He realised he’d stopped touching Steve and moved his hand to the rim of his boxers.

“Take these off.” He moaned, “Now.” It took everything he had in him not to whine as the warmth of Steve’s hand left his skin, but he distracted himself by throwing back the covers and removing his own boxers, throwing them to the floor.

Hands found Bucky’s shoulders and he had a brief moment of panic before let himself be pushed down on the bed. He was with Steve, this was ok. He tried desperately not to think of that chair he'd been forced into so many times. These hands were good hands, laying on his back with Steve above him, he wished it was light enough for him to be able to see, he wanted to save this memory forever. In the gloom, he could make out Steve’s outline, but there was no detail. Maybe it was better this way, there was less for him to focus on, the sensation of being touched was already so much…

His mind blanked again as Steve thrust his own erection against Bucky’s before wrapping both their members in his hand and starting to stroke. Softly at first, but when Bucky moaned he picked up the pace.

Bucky raised his hands, searching until he found Steve’s face and brought it down to his own, kissing him hungrily. Steve rolled his hips, thrusting his cock against Bucky’s and the two of them groaned into the kiss. His thumb discovered a bead of precum at Bucky’s tip and he swirled it deftly along their joined lengths.

“Steve.” Bucky moaned, his breath catching in his throat as his hips rolled into the movement of Steve’s hand and cock. “Steve, I’m gonna…” Three more thrusts and he was spent, and it was another two before Steve joined him, their cum pooling on Bucky’s stomach as Steve’s hand milked them to their last drop.

Spent, Steve flopped down beside him on the bed, breathing heavily. “I've wanted to do that for so long.” He whispered. The cooling mess on Bucky’s stomach was an odd sensation, but he had no energy to move. Not even to wrap an arm around Steve. Instead he lay there on his back, trying to regulate his breathing, to calm his heart so that it would no longer feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest. 

With Steve at his side, he slept through the rest of the night peacefully. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, I've been ill and I'm still not over it. When it's really bad I can't use the computer without getting a migraine. Today it's not been as bad, so I've managed to do this.
> 
> Unfortunately this is going to be the last chapter of Surrender.

The next few days passed by in a bit of a whirl. Steve was kept busy trying to convince what was left of SHIELD that Bucky wasn’t a Hydra spy, and that he had in fact surrendered of his own accord. Bucky testified to as much, but most of his time was spent in the infirmary where he was under constant scrutiny. The protein shakes got steadily thicker but no less brown.

When he wasn’t with Steve, which had been a lot lately, Bucky had to go everywhere with an armed guard. There were two of them, and they never spoke to him, even when he asked them a direct question. He wasn’t sure whether they were there to protect him or to protect against him, it was slightly unnerving, but it was worth it to be able to wander the building rather than be cooped up in a cell by himself.

While Steve was busy, he’d spent some time with Stark, who’d wanted to check in on his arm anyway, and he’d found that he had plenty of time (and punch bags) to kill in the workout room. It helped to keep his mind off his uncertain future. He had no idea what SHIELD were going to do with him but really as far as he was concerned, only Steve had the right to decide anything about his future. He was the one that Bucky had chosen to surrender to after all.

Because of this hectic schedule, nothing sexual had happened between himself and Steve since what had happened after Bucky’s nightmare, though they continued to sleep in the same bed, favouring Steve’s over Bucky’s. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t want to, he just hadn’t been sure how to initiate it, and Steve had been exhausted when he got back to the apartment.

In the end, Bucky decided that he wasn’t going to wait for Steve to initiate anything. When he’d finished the day’s assessments in the infirmary, he led his silent guards back to Steve’s – their- apartment and bid them a good evening, knowing full well that they’d remain outside the door until Steve returned home.

Once inside, Bucky stripped off and jumped in the shower, his cock already waking at the anticipation of what was to come. Bucky had decided that he loved showers, and Steve often complained at him for taking too long and using up all the hot water, but after decades of being ice cold, he relished the heat.

When he felt that he was clean enough, Bucky got out of the shower, dried himself off and climbed onto the bed, positioning himself so that he’d be the first thing Steve saw when he came home. Lying back against the pillows, one hand under his head, Bucky stroked his length as he imagined the look on Steve’s face. Each stroke left him wanting more, but he forced himself to wait.

Steve usually got back to the apartment around six each evening, so when six came and went with no sign of him, Bucky started to get worried. By the time eight o’clock rolled around, Bucky was nearly frantic. He rolled off the bed and strode towards the door to ask the guards whether they’d had a message from Steve saying he’d be late back. As his hand touched on the door knob, he realised he was still naked and sporting a fading erection.

He got halfway back to the bedroom to retrieve some pants when he heard the door open behind him and Steve’s voice saying his name.  He turned, and the look on Steve’s face was enough to send all his blood rushing south.

“You’re naked.” Steve told him, a blush colouring his cheeks.

“I was waiting for you.”

Steve’s eyes widened and his mouth opened with an “oh” as he realised. “Well I’m sorry for making you wait.” He dumped the bags he’d been holding on the floor in the hallway, slipped out of his shoes and advanced on Bucky. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“There might be.” Bucky nodded his head towards the bedroom before disappearing through the doorway himself. He climbed back onto the bed while he waited for Steve to follow, climbing on to his knees and gripping himself. He stroked softly, biting on his lower lip in an attempt to stifle the sensation. He needed release, having wound himself up while waiting for Steve.

“Fucking hell that’s hot.” He heard Steve whisper from the doorway.

“You want it?” Bucky asked. “Then come and get it.” He grinned when Steve nodded emphatically. He watched as the other man stripped, removing his shirt so fast that Bucky was fairly sure he heard a few of the buttons fly off. The pants and boxers were removed in one swift motion and as soon as his feet were free, Steve clambered onto the bed and closed the distance between them, pressing their erections against their stomachs.

Bucky withdrew his hand from between them and pulled Steve closer. Their mouths met in a frenzy of lips and tongue Bucky whined with need and they broke apart breathlessly. Steve looked down between the two of them to where Bucky’s cock was leaking precum over their stomachs.

“I should take care of that for you.”

“Please.” Bucky whispered, though the thought of Steve doing anything to him was enough to send him right over the edge. He allowed himself to be pushed back on to the bed and watched as Steve took his cock in his mouth and began to suck. He didn’t last long, being in that wet heat, feeling Steve’s tongue circling his length and those dextrous fingers on his balls. His hips jerked, and he tried to warn Steve, but it was too late. He cried out as Steve drank him down and collapsed back on the bed, breathing heavily.

“Bucky.” Steve’s voice was heavy with arousal, and his hands were roaming Bucky’s body in a way that made him tingle all over. “I want you.”

“I’m yours.” He breathed in reply.

“Will you let me?” Steve was blushing again and avoiding his gaze.

“Yes.” Bucky replied.

“I-I’ve never done this before.”

“Well that makes two of us.” Bucky smiled, pulling Steve in for a kiss before rolling onto his stomach. Behind him, Steve’s weight left the bed and he heard him move over to the bedside table. When he returned, he seated himself so that he was between Bucky’s legs.

“This might be a little cold.” He warned. Bucky heard slicking noises, and moments later, pressure at his hole as Steve pressed a finger against it. The lube was cold as it was spread around his opening, but he was distracted by the sensation of Steve slipping his first finger in.

Bucky tensed against it, not sure what he made of the sudden intrusion, but when Steve started to move his finger slowly, he found it was pleasurable enough. Steve moved the finger in and around for a while before adding another. This time Bucky didn’t tense up, but the added finger created some friction and he gasped as Steve started to scissor his fingers, stretching him.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asked him.

“I’m fine.” He reassured him, “It feels good.”

The encouragement seemed to spur him on, and Bucky felt a third finger being added. Steve found a rhythm, thrusting and scissoring until he hit a spot inside Bucky that sent an electric shock straight to his cock and made him cry out. Steve stopped instantly.

“No, no that was good. It felt good!” Bucky told him, eager to feel that pulse of pleasure again. It took Steve a few tries to get his rhythm back but he soon found that spot again and again and again. And then the fingers were gone. Bucky felt hollow, and turned around to complain when he saw Steve putting on a condom before slathering his cock in the same liquid he’d used before. He watched as Steve lined himself up against his hole and gently pressed in. His cock was so much larger than three fingers had been, and he took his time entering him, allowing Bucky to get used to  his girth every inch or so.

When he was fully seated, he stopped. Bucky felt full, stretched around Steve’s throbbing cock. Slowly, ever so slowly, Steve started to give shallow thrusts. Each one sensing a pulse to Bucky’s own cock trapped against the bed. Bucky nudged at Steve with his hips. Steve got the idea, and put his hands on Bucky’s hips, pulling him up so that he was on his knees.

Steve started thrusting again, pulling out more and more with each one. Bucky felt as though his nerve endings were on fire, but in a good way, and when Steve reached around to clasp his needy erection and pumped in time with his thrusts, Bucky wondered what he’d done to deserve this.

Bucky’s knees were starting to ache, so he shifted a little and Steve’s next thrust hit home. Bucky cried out and Steve thrust into the same spot.

“You like that, huh?” Bucky could hear him grinning, but he could only whimper as Steve pounded into him relentlessly. His breath was coming shorter and sharper and his other hand gripped Bucky’s hip with enough force to leave bruises.

Bucky came first, spilling onto the sheets as Steve worked him from inside and out. Steve followed him soon after, collapsing onto Bucky’s back as the last of his orgasm pulsed inside him. They stayed like that for a minute before Steve peeled himself away and pulled out.

Bucky fell to the bed, avoiding the mess he’d made, as Steve vanished into the bathroom to clean himself up.

“So, I need to talk to you.” Steve called from the other room where Bucky could hear water running as Steve turned the shower on.

“Yeah? Have they made a decision?” When Steve didn’t answer, Bucky pushed himself up from the bed, his body ached all over but in a good way. He wandered into the bathroom and watched as Steve soaped himself up. It took him all of twenty seconds to decide to climb in with him. As the two of them washed each other, Bucky marvelled at how normal it felt to be this close to someone and be completely at peace.

“So what did they decide?” He asked Steve, who had gotten distracted trying to style Bucky’s hair into a large spike with the shampoo. When he let go, it fell over sideways with a wet slap, earning him a scowl.

“It took a lot of convincing them.” Steve laughed, “But they’re going to let you come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Bucky asked him, “Don’t you live here?”

Steve shook his head, “This is just temporary, I have a place in New York with Tony.”

“With Tony.” Bucky frowned, the two of them lived together?

“No, not like that! Stark has this tower, a bunch of us live there. You’ve heard of the Avengers?”

“Yeah I’ve heard of them. You all live together?”

“Yes.”

“In a tower?”

“Yes.”

“What are you, a bunch of fairy tale princesses?” Bucky laughed. Steve shoved his shoulder, pretending to look hurt.

“So is that a no?” He asked, looking down at his feet.

“What’s the alternative?”

“We stay here and you keep the armed guard. Though I’d have to go back to New York every now and then.”

“If we go to New York do the goon squad come with us?”

“No.”

“I’d be able to walk around by myself?” Bucky asked. It had been so long since he’d been alone, really. Even when he was out on a mission he was usually sent with a handler and a team. There was always someone watching him.

“Eventually, yeah.” Steve smiled, “Integrating back into the real world can be quite a shock. Trust me, I know.” 

“When do we leave?” Bucky beamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to follow them back to Avengers tower, but I feel there've already been so many fics that have done it so well that it'd just get boring if I did it as well. I feel like I've wrapped it up nicely, and it definitely wont be my last Stucky fic. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone that's read, commented and left Kudos, you're all awesome <3   
> TWTL X


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